When I was a child I had the dreams and wishes that most children have, and the future plans if meeting Prince Charming, getting married, having a good job (a vet to be specific!), becoming a Mum and living happily ever after. As with most children who then grow into young adults, my dreams and plans adjusted, and I learnt that life isn't the perfect path that I'd imagined- even Cinderella, Jasmine, Belle and Ariel had to deal with their fair share of drama before getting the happily ever after...
I wrote in my last blog about becoming a Mum at a young age, overcoming criticism (both external and self loathing) and dealing with personal tragedy. All the things that weren't in my 1980's child plan. As we grow continually through life, and evolve and adapt to the different things life throws at us (both positive and negative), we all deal with them differently. Everyone's "normal" is normal to them, and them alone. Everyone's problems are their problems. Whether you're a multimillionaire superstar, a single mother, an ex-serviceman with physical and mental injuries, or an elderly person.... We all have our own level of "normal", and no one else on this little planet can or ever will be able to relate to your normal (something that was imbedded in me after 2 years of seeing a shrink!). That lack of understanding or unwillingness to understand is why we all come into contact with objections if we're ever upset about something and dare to verbalise it. Here's a couple of quite popular scenarios...
Scenario 1: Single mother on benefits who doesn't work, says she's upset that her baby won't sleep at night and she's tired all the time and never gets a moment to herself and feels like she can't carry on.... Person replies "well, at least you don't have to worry about work, you get everything paid for so I don't know why you're so upset".
Scenario 2: Wealthy man who works 60+ hours a week is upset that he is so stressed and under pressure and never has a moment to himself feels like he can't go on....Person replies "well, you have the big house, the nice car, the nice holidays so I don't know why you're so upset".
Two very different people with very different lives, but look at the responses: they both lack empathy towards that individual's personal circumstances. Who cares whether a person has a lot or has nothing at all; when it comes to a person dealing with personal struggles, there should be a little less judgement and a little more understanding. It is very easy to judge people by what you are drip fed through various channels (mostly social media these days). I am guilty of judging people by what I read and what they write behind an iPhone or computer screen, but I'm not proud of that. I have found that the cyber world we live in makes me resentful and dislike people who in the "real world" I'm actually very fond of and care deeply for. That isn't a good thing (don't get me wrong, I think social media has a lot of positives too).
Every person is going through their own journey. Every person is going to make mistakes. Every person has good in them, and every person has things they can work on. Focusing all your energy on other people's areas of improvement will only leave you feeling horrible yourself. Negativity and resentment breeds like wild fire. A lot of people focus so much on measuring their life and comparing it to others, that we forget what's right in front of us. The free joy we have that money, cars, benefits, a pack of cigarettes, a glass of wine will never get us.
Quite frankly, we all need a massive kick up the backside from ourselves. Yes we are going to have crap days where someone seriously annoys us or upsets us. Yes we will all panic over how the hell we are going to pay for the next surprise thing that's gone wrong (whether that's breaking your new nails or your car breaking down), but we also need to strip it all back sometimes and go back to our 1980's (or whenever your childhood was) mind, and grab hold of that untarnished mindset and say "do you know what, fuck it" and focus your energy on the things that make you get out of bed in the morning and keep going.
Teach your children that life isn't one big party. Teach them to be kind and empathetic to others. Teach them that they will encounter objections and rejections. Teach them that they are the centre of your universe, but not the centre of THE universe. Most importantly, enjoy them. If we all raise good human's and keep doing the best we can do, I think we will be able to mould them into level headed people who are ready to take on whatever the world has the throw at them, and also make them see that everyone's "normal" is valued equally. It's important to be kind, understanding, and always forgive people for trivial mistakes. None of us are perfect...
